had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
