You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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