Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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