You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
