He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize