She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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