His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
