bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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