What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
