I wish i was in the wii world.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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