dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm like, not good at living.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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