remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
