so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
