I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
