the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
