just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
