I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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