Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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