Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
