Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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