today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
