I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
