He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You need a sexual gate keeper
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
