Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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