you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
