Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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