I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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