What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
