I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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