Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
