I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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