shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
