Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
should my penis look like a turkey
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All I want is dick and wine.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
