it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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