You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
