He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it because I queefed?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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