I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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