She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
