just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
