I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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