Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
