He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
