3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
