my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
