Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
vagina is talking i cant
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
