The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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