dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
