he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize