I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
