I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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