The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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