If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
