I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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