just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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