Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When did angry sex become our thing?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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