he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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