she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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