i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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