I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
