well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
