I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
