who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize