Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
