is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have already put on my inside pants.
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