Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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