The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
