I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
