Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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