Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
