I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
