His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
