You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
