From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
