i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
