Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
