There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
