But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
