I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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