If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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