i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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