Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize