i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
