i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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