I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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