She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
