So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
