I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
