i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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