it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
