This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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