Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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