i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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