new low.... made out with someone while peeing
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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