Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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