Apparently you make a good broom.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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