Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
