I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
FUCK WHALES
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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